I never thought I’d be here. My life plan was to be a stay at home mom. I told this to all of my friends. I told this to shadchanim. And I made sure to tell this to DH while we were dating.
Funny how things turn out. I now have 3 kids and work full-time. While I lead a happy life, I’ll be honest – I still dream about the day I will be a stay at home mom.
I know there are benefits to being a working mom (link to balabusta post), but when things get tough, I dream.
My dreams usually start off with the words, “if only I wasn’t working, then I’d be able to…” and I’d fill in the blank of whatever it was I was finding it so hard to deal with.
Childcare arrangements will be easier. Won’t have to worry about random days off, or 4pm dismissal. I wouldn’t have to juggle doctor appointments or do grocery shopping at 10pm. I’d be able to have guest for Shabbos meals. I would be able to volunteer more at my kids schools. And the list goes on.
It just sounds so easy. And when I see articles about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom I cringe. I can’t read them. How hard could it really be? Am I the only one that doesn’t sympathize with the moms who are living the life I always wanted? The simple happy homemaker wife life?
As a working mom I’m always rushing. Balancing work and family is really hard work.
I realize I am writing this with loads of jealousy. I usually “manage” with all the balancing I have to do, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed and want to stop. I want to just give up my job and focus one being good at the one thing that really matters. Is there anything wrong with that? Don’t we all have thoughts like this at some point?
So, what’s a working mom to do? I don’t have any answers, but I am going to start breathing. I’ll take it one day at a time and I will try to plan better, so I don’t get overwhelmed by the small things. I will try to appreciate the good job I’m doing at managing my life and the demands that come along with it. And I will try not to wish for someone else’s life. I will try to be happy with what I have and the hand I was dealt. And I will try to be more grateful for my job and the opportunities I have to develop myself.
Until next time,
Shaindy
